April 13: My daily commute

13As of the writing of the blog (which is way in advance, by the way), I do have a twice-daily commute to get the kids to school.

It is hell.

Let me preface by saying that I don’t believe humans should be awake before sunrise anyway, so that’s already a BIG mark off the “awesome things” list.  Rousting myself, let alone three boys, is challenging, even on a good day.  Luckily, I know this, so I generally get most of the hard work done the night before.  The coffee pot has a timer, lunches are already packed and in the fridge, medication is portioned out ahead of time, laundry done on a not-emergency basis…

So, I get Joseph and Daniel up.  Normally, that means Joseph is up and getting himself together, and I’m putting clothes on a still-sleeping Daniel.  Finally, he’ll be vaguely vertical so that we can get his medicine down him, then his breakfast.  At the same time, travel mugs of coffee are prepared, lunches are fetched from the fridge, Craig’s morning smoothie is made, backpacks are double-checked.

Out the door by 7:15 am (7:20 if we’re running late), and then we go to pick up Joseph’s friend Jonathan.  From there, we usually get right to the school around 7:40.

The drive itself is probably the most interesting part, as that’s when the kids learn the proper use and context of all kinds of creative curse words.  Although, in my defense, they also learn proper road rules as I explain WHY this stupid m**********r is so stupid, you speed up on the on-ramp.  And I don’t care if you’re trying to get on the highway next, you m***********g yield for cars coming off the highway.  BMW’s do SO have turn signals, b***h, I’ve seen them!  Get off your g*****n phone and m***********g drive before you f*****g kill us all, you ***************************************!

I also had to stop listening to the radio during the morning commute (at least during the political season) because I was screaming obscenities at the stupid people in the noise box instead of at the road, which can be very distracting.

Morning and afternoon, each trip takes about 45 minutes.  Before we moved to the Stately Manor, it was literally about 10 minutes, round trip.  It’s worth it for the consistency, but it’s hell on my nerves – especially if we’re running late and some dumb piece of f*****g camel s**t decides that a 35 speed limit is referring to kilometers instead of miles.

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