April 6: Someone who fascinates me

sixI really had to think about this one for a while because it’s kind of a weird word, “fascinates”.  Dictionary.Com defines the word as “to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm,unusual nature, or some other special quality; enthrall”.  There are so many things that this could apply to, people included, that narrowing it down is really, really hard.

Finally, I decided that the person that fascinates me the most is my son Daniel.

To me, the idea of fascination is impacted by a sense of never quite being able to understand the fullness of a thing.  Sure, that can be said about any other human, but with Daniel, it’s on a whole new level.

Daniel is both severely epileptic and severely autistic.  The former may aggressively enforce the latter, but, as with so many things about him, we can’t know for certain.  We’re mostly sure why he has both conditions – that waiting long enough for his lungs to develop to deliver him allowed his brain to be more damaged by the oxygen deprivation – but the extent and impact is still mysterious.

Daniel is non-verbal.  He’s only recently gotten to a point where he communicates in anything other than screams and throwing things, but when he finds something he likes, he latches onto it.  He does the same thing over and over again, he loves to spin around, he loves “Blue’s Clues”, and he loves squeezing things that make him happy.

But what really goes on in his head?  What does he actually see?  How is he experiencing his emotions, and why are they so far away from the outside world?  Does he see things when he has seizures?  Is he experiencing time slips or premonitions?  What if his consciousness is just too much for the interface, and he’s actually just fried his IO ports?

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