April 14: My life in 7 years

fourteenIn 7 years, Joseph will be getting ready to graduate from high school.  Miles will probably be almost wrapping up college.

In 7 years, I will have been with my husband for 10 years.

In 7 years, I will have completed ten more novels, at least six of which will be published.

I will have cried sixteen times my body weight in tears in my lifetime.

I will be planning my 50th birthday and picking out an awesomely sexy new dress to wear for it.

I will probably have abs of steel for laughing so much with my family and friends.

I might be buying this house, or maybe a different house, or maybe debating if we want to stay.  After all, we do have the extra room now, and there’s plenty of space for the grandkids and the dogs, and the garden has come such a long way.  The neighbors are wonderful (even the new ones), and the traffic has died down some, so that’s nice…

I will have added somewhere in Europe, Canada, and Mexico to my current passport – maybe a few other places.

I probably will still leave my dirty laundry on the floor next to the hamper.  Hey, they’re not that dirty, I might want to wear them tomorrow, I don’t want them touching the other really dirty clothes so that I can’t wear them…  fine, f**k it, whatever, I’ll just wash everything again.

I will have painted at least a hundred new pictures, taken thousands of photos, sculpted a dozen dolls, and probably sold exactly none of them.

In 7 years, I will be seven years older than I am now, hopefully a little wiser, probably not any taller – but just think about all the awesome things that I’ll get to see over that glorious stretch of time.

April 13: My daily commute

13As of the writing of the blog (which is way in advance, by the way), I do have a twice-daily commute to get the kids to school.

It is hell.

Let me preface by saying that I don’t believe humans should be awake before sunrise anyway, so that’s already a BIG mark off the “awesome things” list.  Rousting myself, let alone three boys, is challenging, even on a good day.  Luckily, I know this, so I generally get most of the hard work done the night before.  The coffee pot has a timer, lunches are already packed and in the fridge, medication is portioned out ahead of time, laundry done on a not-emergency basis…

So, I get Joseph and Daniel up.  Normally, that means Joseph is up and getting himself together, and I’m putting clothes on a still-sleeping Daniel.  Finally, he’ll be vaguely vertical so that we can get his medicine down him, then his breakfast.  At the same time, travel mugs of coffee are prepared, lunches are fetched from the fridge, Craig’s morning smoothie is made, backpacks are double-checked.

Out the door by 7:15 am (7:20 if we’re running late), and then we go to pick up Joseph’s friend Jonathan.  From there, we usually get right to the school around 7:40.

The drive itself is probably the most interesting part, as that’s when the kids learn the proper use and context of all kinds of creative curse words.  Although, in my defense, they also learn proper road rules as I explain WHY this stupid m**********r is so stupid, you speed up on the on-ramp.  And I don’t care if you’re trying to get on the highway next, you m***********g yield for cars coming off the highway.  BMW’s do SO have turn signals, b***h, I’ve seen them!  Get off your g*****n phone and m***********g drive before you f*****g kill us all, you ***************************************!

I also had to stop listening to the radio during the morning commute (at least during the political season) because I was screaming obscenities at the stupid people in the noise box instead of at the road, which can be very distracting.

Morning and afternoon, each trip takes about 45 minutes.  Before we moved to the Stately Manor, it was literally about 10 minutes, round trip.  It’s worth it for the consistency, but it’s hell on my nerves – especially if we’re running late and some dumb piece of f*****g camel s**t decides that a 35 speed limit is referring to kilometers instead of miles.

April 12: Two phrases that make me laugh

number-12The hardest part of this prompt is that there are so very many things I find funny – and that I find funny consistently – so it’s really kind of a challenge to narrow it down.  I’m a lady who likes to laugh, and I will scarcely pass an opportunity to do so, especially at my own expense.

All that being said, the first one is really just a range of jokes, any being told by the Saint. He has this brilliant timing and patter with Dad Jokes, and they always get me.  Today’s was:

HIM: “Why did the mushroom go to the party?”

ME: “… why?”

HIM:  “Because he was the caterer.”

The second one must either be muttered either by myself or one of my children, because “YOUR MOM” jokes are always funnier when an actual mom is involved.


April 11: My current relationship (s)

countdown11So, I’m currently married, and that’s my dominant relationship.

I asked the Saint to marry me back in 2013, and while it hasn’t been all sunshine and bunnies, it was definitely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  We work really great as a team, we’ve faced a lot of hardship and good times, and we’re constantly working on being stronger both individually and as a couple.  We started out with NO kids living at home, and then ended up with three – and maybe more, maybe less by the end of it.

But that’s not what really came to mind when the prompt asked for my current relationship. Instead, I went to all my wonderful tribe-members, both locally and scattered throughout the globe, because that’s as important as my core relationship.

For me, at least, I couldn’t get through without a really great support network.  Humans are complex and messy creatures, and we’re not meant to live solitary or even binary existences.  Amanda, Sarah, Mom, Adam, Jeremy, Bree, Robin, Krystal… so many people make it just that much easier to get through the days, weeks, and months.

That was true before, and even more so now with the kids back home.  I have an intricate web of relationships that hold me up, and my greatest hope is that I can do the same for them.

April 10: A fruit I dislike

Number 10I really had to think about this one, too.  I generally like most fruits, though some more than others.  At first, I was going to confess my not-greatest-love for strawberries, but I realized there was one fruit that I dislike even more.  (My strawberry thing is purely related to being spoiled: big strawberries have almost no taste, and I love the little wild ones the most.)


There was a time when I vaguely remember liking grapefruit, but that day is long gone.  I should not have to cover a fruit in extra sugar and flavoring to make it palatable.  The weird off-taste, especially of red grapefruits, has to actively be overcome, and I just can’t get behind it.