Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Hmmmm… a challenging topic because I am not a typical romantic. (Okay, I’m not a typical ANYTHING, but you know what I’m trying to say.) I guess these are the principles that underly the desire to return/give affection… but… as it unfolds, I’m not sure. Just come along with me on this one.
1. Intelligent conversation is probably the single most important thing. Let me define this: It’s not about knowing everything about every topic, it’s about being able to learn and extrapolate in the context of a conversation. Know how to follow the natural flow of a conversation – we’re going to get off-topic, wandering around different subjects before coming back – and know that “conversation” is not the same thing as “debate”. It’s about sharing information, not about defending positions. If you get excited and passionate about a topic, that’s awesome, but if you are getting angry or irrational, it just stopped being fun.
2. Make me laugh, and be willing to laugh at and with me. I guess the corollary to this is to not take yourself to seriously. I’ve already been through hell a couple of different times, and I still can’t take myself too seriously. Make puns, talk in funny voices, make goofy faces… these are all things I do, too, but it’s really a lot more fun as a group activity.
3. Have varied tastes in movies, books and music. I love the things I love – science fiction, horror movies, insight books, wide ranges of music – and I know about these things. It’s great if we have overlap so that we can talk about the finer points of space westerns or patterns of archetypeal and cultural history, but it’s also nice to have something new brought to the table. Show me something you love that will expand my horizons. I love to learn, and feeding this appetite is a major plus.
4. Talk about your experiences in a positive fashion. Sometimes things happen that suck like the vacuum of space. It happens to everyone. Shit gets stolen, people are violated, folks die, fires burn, injuries occur… so what? They’re all experiences that taught us something, and part of this crazy life we’re given to lead is learning how to recognize that even having dated that girl who cheated on you with the whole Dallas Cowboys team (and half the cheerleaders) is not all bad, because how many people can say that <insert famous Cowboys athlete here> got their sloppy seconds? (Was that a little vulgar?) Tell me about what you loved in that relationship first. Tell me about the time your mom made cookies. Sure, let me in on the sad and sucky stuff, too, but show me that you learned from it.
5. Cook. Seriously, food is love, and while I appreciate going out to eat, the way to my heart is (in part) through my stomach (since going through the sternum requires a little too much force to be graceful). The way you prepare your food, the care you take with it, the ingredients you fix, and the attention you pay to presentation all indicate how you approach emotions and affection, whether you realize it or not. How you feel about cooking is also part of that indication. I pay attention to all of that. (And don’t try to lie about your food tastes. There’s no “right answer”, but there are tons of “wrong ones”.)
6. Be both polite AND considerate. It sounds a little antiquated, I’m sure, but saying things like “please” and “thank you” always catch my ear. Being clear on things like schedules and availability are more than just nice, it’s really important. Communicating clearly, asking about things and not making assumptions all fall into this category as well. I can kind of ignore it when it doesn’t happen, but when it does happen, it makes my heart smile.
7. Small thoughtful trinkets mean far more to me than all the big expensive things in the world. A statuette from a series I love, a DVD collection, a rare movie or some other little something that you picked out based on what you know I enjoy says that you put thought into it. Even getting something new that I’ve never seen before but you could guess I’d love based on what I already like is pretty awesome. It’s a sign of real consideration, which means “considering the other person”, “thinking about them” – not “thinking about how they’ll feel about me because of XYZ.”
8. Make coffee. Seriously. It’s, like, the best thing ever. (Hint: I like it with almond milk.)
That was tough, too! Tomorrow, seven things that cross my mind a lot.
The original list is here:
- Day One (ten things said to people)
- Day Two (nine things about me)
- Day Three (eight ways to win my heart)
- Day Four (seven things that cross your mind)
- Day Five (six things you wish you’d never done)
- Day Six (five people who mean a lot)
- Day Seven (four turn-offs)
- Day Eight (three turn-ons)
- Day Nine (two smileys)
- Day Ten (one confession)