So… things were terrifically amazing on Tuesday, and then I got a tattoo, and the meaning of the tattoo kinda sunk in, and I got weepy. Working on the V part of it was fine, but when Bobby started on the pentacles/flowers – the “mother” part of it – I started crying and my mood crashed.
And then it just kept getting better and better. Feeling disjointed, weird, down, frustrated, displaced… you know, the usual “depression” things.
Now, I’m going to lock myself in my bedroom this weekend and exorcise the demons. I’m going to actually write for NaNoWriMo, I’m going to maybe dye my hair again, I’m going to take a nice long meditative bath (something I haven’t been allowed to do for close to three weeks), and I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
Bobby told me last night that he couldn’t commit to me being an apprentice not only because his wife is feeling insecure and weird but also because he felt I was too fragmented right now. And I said… yeah, I am. And that’s why I want to apprentice, to get a direction, an outlet, a purpose.
And… all kinds of other things have hit and rolled and struck… and if I need to, I’ll talk more about them later.