I don’t feel like doing anything today.
I need to finish writing this article on Lobelia, but I lost my train of thought and now I can’t be bothered to care. I should be, it should work for me, this stuff excites me, but I think I have to work on only one thing from beginning to end, and interruptions for research articles just can’t be tolerated.
Except, of course, that I started yesterday, which was Joseph’s birthday (Yay, Joseph! Survived to five years old! WOO!), but then took the kiddo out to lunch and shopping and running around in town, which was awesome, but definitely interrupted the flow of research.
And now, I don’t even know exactly what the hell my problem is. I’m surly and irritable, and I know I want to write more, but I don’t know what I want to write. Of the eight articles I’ve pumped out this week, the one that has gotten the most hits is the Cord Accidents and Stillbirth. Is this becoming that big of an issue, or is it just higher on the totem pole of interest than herb articles? Now that I’ve started the herb articles, I’m kind of committed, but I think I’ll choose one herb and then another article topic per day. (I’m trying to do two per day, almost like training.)
I’m also thinking of submitting other places as well, or maybe trying to get a column somewhere. Something’s gotta show somewhere for income-generation. Maybe it’s that I’ve spent all this time building skills and healing modalities and talents and knowledge – all for some far-distant day, with the assurance that these will make everything work out – and I still feel like I’m scraping by.
On most days, I feel fine and confident and a little hiccup here or there doesn’t bother me, but today, I feel bitter and irritated – I dare say, I’m getting jaded, and that’s a dangerous place for me to live.
Seriously, why should I help people who can’t be buggered to help themselves? Why should I put forth effort for people who see the truth, acknowledge the truth, even admit the truth, and then run in the other direction as fast as possible because it’s inconvenient, annoying, or – shock of shocks – something they have to be responsible for?
Yeah… that’s being jaded. I should probably stop now, take the day off, park my ass on the couch, and just knit. Maybe then I’ll feel better…
Oh, yeah… and take some astragalus. That’s some good shit.