Odd theories of evolution, part 2

Originally published at the normality factor. You can comment here or there.

So, Adam and Eve have reached their prime state of maturation as genetically-perfect specimens of an indigenous species and are released back into the native element.  They are charged with providing for their own food, but because they have been raised exclusively in a tightly controlled environment, their bodies have not been conditioned to survive in a natural environment.  They need clothes to protect them from the cold and the heat, and they need shelter from this weird moisture that falls from the ceiling… but, hey, they’re designed to handle it and adapt.  That is, after all, part of what makes humans unique: using external tools and resources to adapt to changing environments.

Adam and Eve get down to the serious business of doing the business, and the business results in two sets of fraternal twins – a boy and girl each time – which is reputed to be a natural occurrence for genetically clean individuals, possibly a result of healthy multiple ovulation by females and beefy-strong sperm created by males.  Their instructions are that Cain is supposed to marry Abel’s sister, and Abel is supposed to marry Cain’s sister.  It doesn’t really work out that way, because Abel’s sister falls in love with Abel instead, and that’s part of the three offenses that led Cain to take out his legitimate aggressions on Abel.

An agent (angel?) of Elohim comes ’round and says, “Hey, man, we get it, you were mad, and that’s cool, we understand, but you’re kinda making people uncomfortable.  Let’s just book out of here and find some other place to sow our seeds.”  (You know, because Cain was a farmer, huh-huh-huh…)

So, Cain takes off, ends up in Nod – okay, let’s stop right there a second.

See, here’s where the theory started developing:  The story of Genesis is supposed to be the story of the very first people on the planet Earth.  Then that unpleasantness happens, Cain gets the boot, and he shows up in a town.  How is there a town if his parents were the first people on Earth?  That just doesn’t make any sense, does it?  Obviously, the original scribers (we can’t say “authors” because it was first an oral history) might have had a few proof-reading issues, or maybe they just went along and wrote it down faithfully… but I have to wonder if they ever looked at that and went, “Huh.  Well, that’s weird.”

Back to the story:

So, Cain takes off, ends up in Nod, and he marries a nice lady with a good practice, makes a nice living.  (What good Jewish mother doesn’t want their kid marrying a doctor?)  He has one son at least, maybe several (Biblical scribes tended to truncate the lineages of some people after a while because, let’s face it, that’s just silly to keep track of how many cousins and nephews and nieces and uncles and sister’s fourth cousin on the second father’s side), but he outlives them all.  Cain lives to be over 900 years old, if the track record of his parents and other siblings is any indication.  He and his son Enoch build a town called… Enoch… (I guess genetic perfection is no guarantee of creativity) and they live out their very numerous days there.

Back at the ranch, after all the big nasty went down, Adam and Eve got back to the procreation and had Seth, who (the poor thing) took up the charge of marrying both of the sisters.  They had kids together, and in the meantime, Adam and Eve were still working towards a baseball team, but none of that plays into history, so no one knows what happened to any of them.

Now, Adam and Eve each live to be over 900 years old – and in Adams case, it’s given as exactly 930 years old.  There was one suggestion from a magazine I read years ago that said that the original translation from one language into the next was bad and that Adam did not live to be 930 years old but rather 930 seasons old.  Dude, that’s still over 230 years!  Still an accomplishment!

In either case, what kind of genetic code could we have that creates a circumstance of near-perfect cellular regeneration so that we could live without illness for 230 or even 930 years?  How much did diet have to do with that?  We know that the Original Couple ate meat, veggies and grains, but what else?  It’s reasonable to assume that they didn’t get sick – at the end, it doesn’t say, “Adam lived nine hundred thirty years and then got sick and died.”  I just says, “he died.”

And it keeps on like that.  Enoch and his progeny through the generations experience shorter and shorter life spans.  Adam and Eve and all of their brood enjoy those same long lives, right up until they start breeding with other tribes in the area, and then the lifespans take these long, languid diminutions in span until someone from the original lab gets a little miffed at having to wait so long between data samples that they limit the life spans of all future generations to 125 years.

Okay, that’s all very interesting and everything, but what does it mean?

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Odd Theories of Evolution Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3Part 4

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