When I was in New Orleans, I had a reading done at Marie Leveau’s Voodoo Shop by a lady named “Hope”. She’s from South Africa, but that’s not important right now. What is important is that, in addition to letting me know that things were going to get rough but everything would work out fine, she’d also indicated that now was the time to really put my foot down and develop a plan for my future. This had a lot to do with career versus jobs versus time.
I’m planning on doing a reading a little later, just to see if I’m on the right track.
That stint in the hospital made me think that maybe I needed to start school soon and get a Hospital Administration degree, but in the end, would that make me happy, or would it just be a compromise that ultimately would leave me bitter and resentful at a system that will, in all likelihood, resist all attempts at reform?
The fact that the question is formulated that way in the first place is kind of a telling thing.
So, this leads me back to the Big Picture. What do I do well VERSUS what will provide reasonable income? Am I forever destined to work a J-O-B in order to support my C-A-R-E-E-R?
What IS my career anyway? What have I truly spent the last 34 years developing as a skillset?
Lo these many moons ago, back when I was a fresh young lass of only 14, I had a little button on my denim jacket (all the rage back then). It said, “I do many things well, none of which generate income.”
And that, unfortunately, has become the motto of my life.
When someone tells me how talented or skilled or smart or lucky I am, I smile sweetly and try really hard to take it in stride because, ultimately, none of those things mean anything. Sure, I’m a genius (Really, I am. Says so on this little piece of paper right here.), but that means somewhere between “Jack” and “Shit” in terms of employability and income-generation. These days, learning something at a scary pace doesn’t mean f**k-all if you don’t have initials after your name.
And that brings us back to the Big Question:
What am I going to be if I grow up?
I think I have to definitively say, with only mild reservation, that college is really not an option right now, past the LCCC level and assuming that I get a LOT of grants and scholarships – and then that’s assuming that I’d even have time for it. Working full-time and having four kids AND home-schooling… that’s a lot to put on anyone’s plate, and if there’s anything that the hospital stint taught me, it’s that all the perception awareness in the world does not change the fact that there’s only 24 hours in a day, and making the most of them is a matter of perspective. Do I really want to use all 24 of those hours working my ass off to try for some vague promise of a brass ring, or do I want to use that time to enrich my relationships with my family, develop some skills and hobbies that actually enhance my life?
(Hobbies?!? Who the hell am I to even trifle with the idea that I have the time or luxury for hobbies?!? I’ll tell you this: Hobbies = Sanity, especially with as much as I have going on, because sacrificing everything until all hours is not a healthy way to have anything left to give to family.)
My skill set already has the “Healer Path” written all over it, but, again, how will that generate income? (Correction: How will that generate income without having a hefty chunk of change with which to invest in a local brick-and-mortar establishment and inventory plus heavy advertising and promotion? I’m not exactly walking distance from anywhere.) I’m a hell of a writer, except that my talent seems to come in spurts, and when I set aside time to write, that’s the signal for the whole f**king universe to crawl up my ass to do something else. (Me? NOT make Nano this year? The world is taking crazy pills.) I can knit, I can do PR, I can do lots of stuff… but no initials, no recent job experience, no real prospects.
At least, not that I don’t make for myself.
So, outside of the video game job (which I’d love to count on, but am still having a hard time trusting in the long run), what kind of prospect should I build?