There aren’t words big enough or statements broad enough or hearts large enough to contain the gratitude and appreciation that I feel for everyone who has been invested in our world this year. Maybe that’s because words and statements and even hearts are meant to overflow with emotion of this magnitude. If only there were ways to show that thanks in ways that were adequate…
But, I am only a very tiny human in a very large universe, and some things are not meant for me to accomplish or even understand.
I want to itemize and go down the list of people that I want to thank, but I’m afraid of missing someone – there are just so many people who deserve mention. I’m going to mention a few, but I’ll probably have to come back later to edit and revise as I remember more and more:
* To my AWESOME E-Kids on the American.McGee forums: Not only have you been amazing and patient in my absence, but you showed me that the affection I feel for you goes both ways. The card that you all put together will go in prominent place of honor on our Kid Shelf, along with Daniel’s umbilical cord, his first tooth and lock of hair, and the other honorific things that have come our way. There is no higher honor in our home.
* To the medical staff at Cheyenne Regional Medical Center: Our little Dream wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for Phyllis and Sharon taking me seriously and paying attention to the little details that I pointed out. The nurses followed suit and even pointed things out to me when I wasn’t able to observe them directly. And beyond that, I felt that I was treated as an equal instead of as a “patient”, and those long nights of staying up with me to chit-chat and bringing me tissues at ungodly hours allowed me to feel comfortable enough to work through the boredom and terror. Each of you is etched into my heart for all time.
*To the support staff at Cheyenne Regional: I’ve never had a baby shower, and I’ve never really thought of having babies in terms of getting “stuff”, except in what we go out and get for ourselves. It was plenty enough to know your names and faces and to visit with you and talk about things that didn’t have to do with umbilical cords and scary NST strips, but to know that you are all so invested in seeing Daniel come to fruition, to send out the prayers and the positive thoughts and the good vibes, to fix mistakes on trays with a smile, to make sure that he and I both had everything that we needed… One lonely letter may not make a world of difference in the complex bureaucracy of medicine, but I hope it brings some kind of reward for you since I am simply incapable of exacting adequate compensation.
*To my friends around the world: I don’t think any of you are surprised at this outcome – you’ve all told me from the beginning that things would be okay. I got angry with you because that’s what I was told last time, and it wasn’t true. You told me what you felt in your hearts to be true, and I am deeply grateful that you were right. You walked with me, drove me places, talked to me, let me talk, picked me up from the airport, picked me up from the depths of despair, reminded me of different ways to look at things, let me rant and throw a fit, left me alone in my solitude, celebrated the little triumphs with me, reminded me of my personal power and my ability to overcome… You all believed that I was strong enough to get through this, even when I doubted that myself, and it turns out, you were right.
*To my amazing family: It was bad enough that I felt I was depriving you of my support and presence before when I was unable to walk in the first part of this, and then when I started getting sick. I was most afraid of leaving you even more in the lurch when they informed me that I wasn’t going home until Daniel did, too, a month before he was born. The thing that I am the most grateful to you about is that you took this opportunity to be strong, to work together, to support each other, to step out of your previous shells, to start a new life, to help begin new life, to show me that you were paying attention and truly are capable of standing up on your own, even when it sucks.
“Thank you” isn’t big enough, but they’re the biggest words I’ve got.
I love you all.