Y’all are awesome.

I truly appreciate everyone who chimed in on my last post, and I suppose I should clarify that while, yes, it’s true that the LiveJournal community was a small part of it, my main issue was the imbalance of relationship on Twitter. I’ve only grudgingly signed up there, but I’m willing to give it a shot. Every little bit helps, after all, when it comes to online marketing.

And now, I’m faced with another conundrum. I’m a writer. I love to write. But I think I’m putting an unfair expectation on myself to be able and available to write anything. I love to write fiction, and I love to write novels, and I love to write informational articles on food and natural health, but beyond that, I think I’m working too hard trying to find work in areas where I do not like to work.

The critical part of myself says that this is an excuse for laziness, that I should be ready and able to do whatever is demanded of me, so long as I get paid, but the majority of “demands” are for pay-scales that I simply cannot afford to take. Sure, I want to build my resume as a writer, but taking a gig that is nothing more than the re-writes of other webpages (i.e. stealing content) doesn’t look good on a resume. It’s equivalent to working as an accountant in a shady restaurant whose purpose is to launder money.

Part of my musing on this topic comes from the fact that Script Frenzy is looming just a week away. I’d thought about doing a throw-away script – Lawn of the Dead, a very tongue-in-cheek zombie movie – but now I’m pondering doing a stage play, something that’s meaningful and important. There’s a dichotomy for creative writers that either we can do what sells or we can do what we want. I believe there has to be another way.

There are so many things that I feel deeply passionate about, topics that I want to discuss. I look at work like Closet Land, and I ask myself if I could write something that powerful, that poignant. I look at my favorite movies like Wings of Desire, and I wonder if I could write something that powerful but better, without the art-flick weaknesses. I will not know until I try, of course, but I feel that I have that potential in me, just like I knew that a story like Middle of Nowhere was in there.

Now, here’s the crazy part: Why do I want to write? Or, more specifically, why do I want to sell my work? It’s because it’s the only thing that I can think of to do that might generate enough money altogether or a bit at a time to pay for school. Crazy, huh? Most people go to school to get jobs to support their hobbies, and I’m trying to use my hobby to get to school.

Because I think I’ll make an awesome doctor.

3 Replies to “Y’all are awesome.”

  1. i want to sell my work because i think that’s what’s expected. if you just write and don’t put it out there for public consumption, then you’re just wasting time and resources. (and by ‘you’, of course, i mean ‘me’) *shrug* thank goodness for POD.

    i think you’d make an awesome doctor, too. but then, i think you’d be amazing no matter what. ‘coz you’re that kind of person.

    1. <3

      I think that there’s a drive for writers to sell their work not just to have a discernible income but also to have their work validated. It’s great for 30 friends to say that they loved your novel, but unless that translates into a royalty check, how do you know if it was any good?

      And then there are writers like H.P. Lovecraft who never published any of his own fiction work. He wrote from the need to write, and his fame was nearly exclusively posthumous (unless you were a fan of the magazine he edited).

      Your response made me think of whether or not I’d be trying to sell my work if I didn’t have this other goal of paying for school as a carrot. (Keep in mind that the school I want to enroll in is only $3200 for the whole program, but it’s what I want to do.) I think that in a sense, I’d want to write and sell and publish anyway, but having a carrot like that forces me under the gun. Maybe it’s just a little trick I’m playing on myself to get up off my butt and write something of value, but it at least seems to be working.

      Send me that link as soon as you get Rafekin Drum ready. Lili’s birthday is at the end of June, and you just KNOW that she wants a copy. (Plus, I need to replace the first two. Daniel decided that they were delicious.)

  2. are you still looking for your own voice, or did you already find it?

    if found, do what you love.

    if still looking, claw your way to a clearing.

    At least, that’s how I interpret it, and I’m completely wrong most of the time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *